February 2016


Ella was in the hospital again for another dreaded pseudomonas bacterial bladder infection that required IV antibiotics.  She only had a 4 month break since the last episode.  I cannot stand to see her hurting like this.  The pain is so unbearable, the screaming and crying, and that feeling of helplessness…knowing that all I can do is wait for the medicine to start working….to take effect.  Unfortunately, it takes 3-4 days to get any relief from the pain…those days are the worst.  This just seems unfair.  Stupid stupid cancer.  I blame you for all of this. I blame you for everything.  I blame you for taking a beautiful little child and making her hurt, making her have scars, physical and emotional…making her childhood memories be full of fear and pain, hospitals and needles, medications and doctor appointments, MRI’s and tests, and making her family have to worry every single time she says something hurts, that that stupid cancer is coming back.  Don’t think that just because that cancer treatment is over that the rest of this journey is easy.  It is unfair…that is all it is.  Just unfair. 


She will be seeing her urologist in the next few weeks to determine what we need to do about these bladder infections.  I’m praying for some answers, but I am not getting my hopes up as I have been let down many times in the past with no answers or solutions as to what to do.  WE are unsure of exactly why she gets the infections.  But the thought is that she is unable to empty her bladder completely causing a buildup of urine to get infected.  And for some reason, her body has colonized the pseudomonas bacteria and this is what starts to grow.  It is not a typical bladder infection seen in children.  She is still too young for urodynamic testing and they can be invasive and painful for a 5 year old little girl who has already been through so much.  I am not ready to put her through that. 


Next month, Ella will be having her audiology tests to determine if she has had any hearing damage from the chemotherapy treatment.  She was also be having her oncology checkup.  Her next MRI has been scheduled for September.


Please please please continue to pray for my beautiful sweet girl. 




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